simple muzings of my misfortunes

It's been a while...well, a long long while...

2010-09-19T21:59:00.003-04:00

So, two years after my last post, i finally found my blog and thought maybe i should update everything that has been going on. Since we last read from each other I have gotten married to my wonderful husband Cody, and now we are expecting our first child. I'm teaching English as a Second Language to adult refugees here in Louisville, and Cody works at Java. In May I finished my M.Div. in Missions at SBTS, and now my free time is filled with preggo naps and fun reading :) We are excited to see how the Lord will continue to use us in ministry as we look forward to a possible future in New Zealand. This won't be for a bit as Cody still has a year and a half of school left, but we are beginning to prepare for a new life in so many ways! I will try to start back into the habit of keeping people updated here on my blog. Blessings to you all :)

freedom...

2007-09-16T21:48:00.000-04:00

I am free to be who God has made me to be. In Christ sin no longer has a strangle hold on everything I do, and when I practice my freedom to obey God with all my heart He is most glorified in me by my complete satisfaction in Him. I forget that...all the time. On a daily basis actually. I know it's been a while since i have posted, but to catch you up on what God has been doing in my life, i thought i would talk about Romans...cause it kicks me in the tail!
A few weeks ago I had to read through the book of Romans for NT2. For a while now I've been talking with a few new believers and unbelievers about what it means to walk in Christ. We talk about guilt, sin, repentance, and the like. It seems that there is always this underlying tension in conversation that stems from the idea that there are just a bunch of "rules" we are to follow. This is first and foremost a rub to me and most other people because I am rebellious. My heart, my spirit, my body...all of it is rebellious. I don't want anyone telling me what, how, or when to do things. In other words, I don't want anyone to be the boss of me. I wanna be my own God. My rebellion is a struggle that I have to crucify daily...no...more like every minute. Second, rules rub against my pride. I'm a terribly prideful person. i think that it is probably the most ugly and egocentric of sins to live in, but i do it all the time. It keeps me from being in true community and relationship with other believers because of my unwillingness to talk about my sins and struggles. It keeps me from confessing my sins to be held accountable to changing them. It's how Satan makes me ineffective for ministering to others who need someone to walk with them through their struggles. It's a back-stabbing menace to my conscious because it tells me I can look at other peoples lives and think I'm not so bad in that my sins don't appear "as bad as" theirs. It's death and disaster for me, there is no other way to put it. Here is where God gets the glory, and Romans gets the credit:
While reading through the scriptures the other day, God was gracious to remind me that I no long live under the rules of the law, they were rather there to point out that I can't do anything to procure my salvation apart from the blood of Jesus. Rather, in Him, I now have the freedom to not be under the bondage of those sins to which I once was a slave. I AM FREE. I can serve God with all my heart and mind because He dwells inside of me as the Holy Spirit, and presses me on to race with endurance. That endurance produces character, character produces hope, and that Hope doesn't fail me because God has poured His love into my heart through the Holy Spirit. It all begins and ends with God, through Christ, and is carried out by the Holy Spirit. I'm so thankful and so amazed. It's always a hard thing for me to wrap my mind around the fact that once I'm found in Christ, God keeps no records of wrong. I become bogged down by my own inability to repent, and then walk after Christ knowing that I truly am forgiven. I then become a slave to my mind, my habits, and my sin. Reason being: i forget I'm free and that I'm forgiven. I'm ashamed of myself and the things I do, and I don't believe I deserve God's love or forgiveness. What a terrible state to live in...thankfully, I don't have too.

16Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient
slaves you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads
to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17But thanks be to
God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the
heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, 18and, having
been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness.

I am free to live like Christ. I am not bound to a list of do's and don't that are an attempt to gain my own salvation. That is a works based heresy. It nullifies the need for a cross, and empties the cleansing blood of Jesus of all its power. I cannot stand before God based on accomplishments of my own list of do's and don'ts. Rather, I can live in the freedom of Christ. Being found in him, I am no longer inslaved to use sin as a self-medicating salve for my flesh. The chains which once bound me to death have been crucified in my body, and I have been given freedom to NOT sin. It is no longer the requirement of my soul. Thanks be to God that the blood of Jesus speaks a better word that all my righteous works, and it covers over a multitude of sins.

12Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, 13and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. 14 Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holines without which no one will see the Lord. 15See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; 16that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. 17For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears. 18For you have not come to what may be touched, a blazing fire and darkness and gloom and a tempest 19and the sound of a trumpet and a voice whose words made the hearers beg that no further messages be spoken to them. 20For they could not endure the order that was given, "If even a beast touches the mountain, it shall be stoned." 21Indeed, so terrifying was the sight that Moses said,"I tremble with fear." 22But you have come to Mount Zion and to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to innumerable angels in festal gathering, 23and to the assembly of the firstborn who are enrolled in heaven, and to God, the judge of all, and to the spirits of the righteous made perfect, 24and to Jesus,
the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood
that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.

a prisoner's prayer...

2007-08-20T00:54:00.000-04:00

I am enamoured with the events in and around WWII. There is nothing that makes me feel more thankful for the freedom we experience in the US than to listen to the stories of those who for a time lost their freedom, and even their lives. I can only relate to those who fought in wars and fierce battles by understanding their struggles in light of my warring against the sin of my flesh, and the world that beats against my spirit. All that being said i have written(well, mostly written, it's not finished) a song that tries to somewhat capture some of the thoughts and prayers of what a Jewish man/woman might have offered up while in the concentration camps that murdered so many people. Now, i am in no way claiming to be an expert on the history of WWII, nor am I Jewish, and I definitely was not alive at that time. I don't know if I've got it at all right, but this is some of my attempt to understand...

I wish I may, I wish i might
be quiet as a mouse, invisible to sight.
To steal away from here
with the shred that's left of me
still gazing through the gaping wounds
that set my fury free.
through the gauntlet of the broken cross
that crucified the Son,
and crushed the bread of Israel
where propaganda won
Oh star, my star, I flee tonight.

Star light, Star bright, star on my sleeve tonight
Roll away, end the day, that's burning in my sight
and quench the smell of this hell
that falls like snow from bricks above
escaping far, escaping fast, to quench the stench
that killed my love.
oh star, my star, i see tonight.

Have this wish, I wish tonight
drink this cup, this wrath I fight
and curse the filth with fiery flames
of tongues that open eyes
to see those ripped from Jacob's womb
through consecrated lies.
avenging those whose numbers
mark the tears of Rachel's cry
that's sounding through the trumpet
blasting out for all who die.
oh star, my star, i plea tonight.

Star light, Star Bright, star on my sleeve tonight
roll away, end the day, that's burning in my sight,
and quench the smell of this hell
that falls like snow from bricks above
escaping far, escaping fast, to quench
the stench that killed my love.
oh star, my star, i see tonight.

Take this wish, this wish i wish
let it burn away the horror in my eyes.
oh star, my star, I plea tonight.

In the world, but not of it: a musical reflection

2007-08-10T22:49:00.000-04:00

People box and categorize most things in there lives. Work goes in one box, play in another, family, religion, and so on. In most cases, but not all, people tend to react and reflect on things as if they only belong in certain places, and at certain times. It is especially true when it comes to things such as the arts. As believers we are challenged to reflect on the beauty that God has created in music and the arts. Both are forms of expression that speak to humanity on many different levels, and to people with many different passions. There are songs which speak directly of God, touching on who He is, what He has done, and what He has promised that He will do. Others attend to who we are as believers in light of the holiness of God, and call for a response to God in knowledge of our position. Still there are those songs which call us to conformity of the character of Christ without specifically speaking His name. In all this, what i would like to reflect on today is the music that is made by believers, but performed/sold/marketed in the "secular" genre.
Our response to music that is "in the world, but not of the world" can set the tone for conversation with unbelievers about the gospel of Christ as they see us engaging culture with a thoughtfulness that speaks to issues of social justice, love, and beauty. Effective as it may be to stir emotional responses to these issues, we can only speak with depth if we speak in Truth. The source of Truth is the Bible, and our use of its commandments, principles, and teachings create movements of people and in people towards pure passions for change. How then should we as believers respond to those who, being from our community of faith, are transplanted into the "secular" world of music, art, writing, or whatever their gift may be? In reading an article in the NY times the other day about crossover gospel musicians who were no longer allowed to play music in the church, I was heart broken to learn of the responses that these individuals had experienced from their "church family" after moving into mainstream musicality. I am by no means speaking of the rapper who thanks God at the VMA's for winning an award for his music that is laced with tributes to thugs, drugs, and hoes. Nor am i talking about the country performer who thinks spirituality is blessing angels for saving them from a train wrecked life and a bad hair cut. No, what i speaking too, is a reaction against musicians who have grown in the church, live Godly lives, and feel their gifts are just as useful in the secular world as in the church.
Why is it that a Godly man or woman who plays music that speaks Truth to issues of social justice, love, or even the beauty of creation is not allowed to still play music within a community of believers where the focus is still the same? What a sad state of affairs we have seen when the church has become the building we meet in(not the believers we are in community with), and if you play music outside of it that doesn't speak directly of God, but rather the characteristics of who He is and who He has called us to be, then you are no longer welcome to praise Him the same within that group of people. How dare we live so pridefully as to think that God's sovereignty doesn't work through believers in the secular arts to touch the drug abuser who hears of a call for repentance in the form of a song, or the narcissistic art critic who hears the call to be found in Christ from the beauty of a painting. If the "general call" of the gospel to all men can be seen in the physical world, then why would we not try to speak of it among those who need the gospel the most? Most importantly, why would we not communicate the gospel in ways that unbelievers understand? I must note here that I am in no way advocating the "dulling down" or "softening" of the gospel. As I stated earlier, Truth is the only thing that God will use to call unbelievers to Him. What I am saying though, is that Truth can be spoken in the places that it is needed most, and in ways that are not explicitly speaking God's name, rather truth about Him. Lets be conscious about our interactions with other believers who have a calling to the service of God outside the walls of "the church". After all, our relationship and conversation with those who we call brother and sister are a good indication of what our interactions and relationships might be like with those who are not found in Christ. I pray that we can be mindful of the opportunities that God affords to all His children for the glory and honor of His name.

torturous tumble

2007-08-07T01:33:00.000-04:00

As a fresh 27 descended on the number behind my age last week, I was thankfully planted on the beautiful beaches of clearwater, fla. for some much needed R&R. Family vacation is one of the few traditions that i anxiously anticipate every year for several reasons: first, it's the one time that all of my family is together(mom, bro, aunts, uncles, cousins, wives, etc.), second, it's usually the only time of year that i break free to a coast, away from land locked life, the one thing for which i firmly believe God has not made me:)finally, it's the one chance i get to try and tan without a twenty minute power session in a baking tube that sometimes stripes my body like a candy cane. HA. that's a whole other story for a whole other day though. Beyond this, in everything and everywhere, God is constantly growing me up in Him, reminding me of who i have been made to be, and most importantly who I am not. Thus, the following story:

For the first two or three days that we were at the beach it rained. Yes, that's my life, leave the sunny 90 degree weather of kentucky for the rainy 90 degree weather of florida(talk about some crazy humidity). During a break in the rain my mom and i decided to take a walk down the street for one main purpose: COFFEE. We had seen a place called, "the coffee shop", on our drive into the beachhouse. It was within walking distance of our place, so we set out to find it and enjoy some much needed caffeine. The coffee shop was a few good blocks from the house, and I knew that the chances of getting wet were about 99%, but a few days without a good dose of java will send anyone into the rain. The coffee shop was short of stellar on many accounts: first, the barista working was NOT happy to see a customer, she was rather caught up in an interesting movie that didn't have words, just music. second, her lack of enthusiasm was backed by a rather poor attitude and a lack of understanding of the english language. To top it all off, not only did she not speak english, but she also didn't know what a mocha was...of all the coffee drinks to not know, a mocha...So, after our not warm welcome and my inability to get across the idea that i wanted a mocha and not a latte(which was what she kept saying), my patience had reached its end point. I don't know what was more frustrating, the fact that I wasn't going to get a good drink(which i already knew), or the barista's smack that she was talking because she was too prideful to ask the other worker how to make a mocha. Though i left a tip, i'm pretty sure that my ability to be Christ-like and loving was gone, and the love of Jesus was not showing on my face. That in itself was also frustrating to me, because i tend to have a softer spot for internationals and unbelievers, but today was not the day. The coffee was gross, actually the worst i've ever had, and my attitude was now less than stellar. Poor mom.

During our seating in the coffee shop it began to rain. When i say rain, i don't mean sprinkle, I mean...RAIN! We finished our drinks and decided that since there was no lightening it would be ok to just walk home and be wet. We were after all at the beach, and i'm not too sweet to melt, so i figured it would be ok. I had walked in my favorite flip flops, they are worn to almost smooth, so as you can guess i was a bit of a walking hazard. The coffee shop was at the top of a flight of four stairs, they were like lime stone, completely smooth. My foot hit the top step, and who knows why, but i didn't grab the railing like anyone else in the rain who is smart would do. You all see what's coming, a long set up to get to the perfect ending to my coffee experience, both my feet just kept going and i went straight down. first my back went into the corner of the top step, and then i just kept bouncing. HA...this was not funny to the few people who were outside of the coffee shop when i fell, but to me, it was amazing. You see, I NEVER FALL! I have one speed, slow, and i'm pretty coordinated, so as soon as i knew i was going down the first thought that flew in my mind was "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall(proverbs 16.18)" ....in my case, it was literally. Gosh it was humbling. All I could do was laugh to myself because i totally knew it was from the Lord, and that He was knocking me down those four steps to put in perspective my place in the world. I had taken the attitude that I was above the barista who couldn't serve me coffee. Not only was i not Christ-like, but i was also the Pharisee standing in the temple thanking God that i wasn't like the humble sinner who stood across the bar. My reminder for the rest of the vacation was a tremendously sore back, and some BLACK bruises on my...well, you know where...haha.

I feel like this is a great first muzing because it reminds me that no matter what, no matter where, humility and love are two of the greatest marks an unbeliever will respond too in the life of a Christian. I failed miserably. Grace was afford like a good swift kick in the pants, and i'm reminded everytime i see a rainy step that I am the worst of sinners, who needs just as much grace as the barista who doesn't know the meaning of the word mocha. After all, i could try, but my mocha would probably be worse. That's how my life always seems to go.

"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you." Romans 12.3

once upon a time

2007-08-07T00:33:00.000-04:00

once upon a time i had a blog here...the problem is that i don't remember what my user name is, or what the password might have been to go with it. all that being said, here is my new blog, one mostly for keeping up with other blogs where people can teach me lots of things that i should probably know. Or things that i do know, and am completely punished to be reminded of...HA...so from here on out, maybe funny stories, maybe things i'm working on for class, poetry, songs, who knows what else, but i'll put it all on here....much love, cassie